Our Unrealized Dreams


Sofia was confused and I was irritated. My irritation solved her confusion. I knew what was the end of that day long before it came. But I didn’t realise the consequences till it was all completely sealed and her engagement was over.

The consequences included excessive drinking, moping and self-pity. Not forgetting to mention the non-stop rambling to oneself about the dreams we had and the tears that came along with them not being realized. Today, I amaze at the castles that we had built-in air! Yes we had planned everything to the utmost detail.

 We had planned on a house in a specific area soon. We had named the house. We had done the interiors. We even began living in it.

We had decided on two kids with an age gap of three to four years. Even their names were decided.

We had planned our first few vacations alone and with our kids.

We had decided how we would split the festivals with our parents.

Well you get the picture. Our plans were made to the smallest detail. The only thing we hadn’t planned was that our relationship would not work out! That never crossed our minds. They say when you are in love, you become blind. Sofia, I think we were blind to this thought or did we just choose to be unrealistically optimistic. I don’t know. But I know, I have cried over the dreams and it took a great effort to forget you …no, sorry forget us! It took loads more time than I thought it would, to move on and builder newer stronger dreams with my eyes open.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-Here is the last day’s entry for the  Write Tribe Festival of Words -2 .

Write Tribe
Thank you my dear blogger friends for being the most supportive group ! I also need to thank my husband for believing in my abilities to write and loving me the way he does…oh God this sounds all so mushy but I am in that phase of my life!!
Advertisements

People except us!


Sofia did tell her parents when I was away on a trip but many trips later. She wrote an e-mail stating that I should see her parents and officially ask for her when I am back. Oh! That sounded so positive ! I never thought anything could go wrong!

I did meet her parents the day after I was back. I was completely jet-lagged but why delay a good event. Little did I realise it would have been better to sleep!

The meeting was terrible. I met not just her parents but her extended family – uncles, aunts, elder cousins and even some family friends. I had taken my parents but that didn’t seem to distract all the attention I received! Almost every one of them interviewed  me individually. But I was not allowed to meet her! The judgement was passed, I would be incapable of keeping their precious daughter happy!

I wished to differ on their judgement and my parent’s judgement that she would find it difficult to adjust in our family.

Two days after the meeting, when I had recovered partly from my jet-lag, we met at the cafe at the street corner. However, our faces said it all, we were no more the happy couple who wanted to gorge on pancakes but two individuals who now had a major situation to solve. The waiter did offer us our complimentary coffees but we too denied it. We both asked for two shots of Espresso! We needed the strong dose of caffeine!

With a heavy sigh I asked, “So, how have you been doing?”

Sofia smiled but her weakest smile. She couldn’t seem to say a word or look at me. So I continued rambling about my trip and taking the gifts that I bought for her out of a bag. This continued until almost suddenly, I saw tears rolling down her cheeks and I knew in them our fate was sealed!

I stopped mid-sentence, extended my hand to wipe her cheek but she quickly wiped and just said, “No, I am alright!”

Now she began, “Sorry, but how do you do this?”

“What?”

“Still be so nice! I am sure my family was not at all polite with you! I am sure because I know how they have tried to change my mind about you and your family over the past week.”, she said breaking down into tears.

I somehow was not moved by her tears this time, instead I asked her a little firmly, “Are you convinced by what they had to say?”

She looked up. She was shocked that I was not stopping her from crying. And after a few seconds, “Convinced? No I am confused!”

I didn’t reply but now sat back and finished the third Espresso shot I had ordered!

She seemed to be even more shocked with my reaction, and asked a little hurt, “Why are you being so cold ?”

“I don’t see the point in adding to the confusion in your head. I shouldn’t need to convince you if you love me! So, for me the question is clear and crystal, do you love me or not?”

“What do you think?”

“No, it doesn’t matter what I think!”

There was a long silence. She pushed back all the gifts that I had brought her and she said clearing the path that her tears had taken, “Ok, now  I know my answer.”

I looked at her not in shock but almost knowing that this was to come! I said, “Ok but take the gifts! I bought them with you in mind and I really cannot give it to anyone else. If you don’t want it, just trash it on your way out..”

I was cold but more because I was hurt! Everybody else had suddenly become more important to her! Everybody’s opinion now suddenly mattered more.

She did take the gifts but I have no clue what she did to them. No it was not the last time we spoke but nothing counted after that!

And so people except us became the reason of what became of our relationship!

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Here is my very very late entry for the sixth day of the  Write Tribe Festival of Words -2 .

Write Tribe

My travel and the distance between us!


For all the memories that we built , I didn’t expect some physical distance between us would create a wall…Unfortunate as it was but I had to travel a lot for work those days. The result of which was we had lesser and lesser time with each other. We hardly even spoke due to several constraints including the expensive calling rates from abroad.

I remember the argument that we had before I traveled on one of my business trips. It was one of the early trips. I was only told the Friday before that I will be going to California on Monday. I knew it was going to be hard to break it to you as I was just back the earlier Monday from Singapore. But I had to and so I decided to take you out for dinner.

We were sitting at our favourite place in the Italian Restaurant. You were sipping the red wine that we had ordered as we waited for our tiramisu. I found the courage to clear my throat. You looked up concerned and then enquiring.

“Dear, I have been asked to fly out again on Monday.” I could hardly look at you.

“Hmm…where to?” without giving away any emotion.

“California”

“Oh my God! How long?”

“Not sure, could be anything between a week to two months. I am supposed to be handling a client project over there.”, I said smiling weakly.

“Ok, but tell me where is our relationship going?”

After a long pause, I took her hands into mine and said, “Darling, we will get married but you have to understand this is my job and if I don’t keep it secure we will be in deeper trouble in the future…”

The waiter served us our Tiramisu and left the table quickly. I think he sensed the tension at the table.

“We cannot solve anything at our homes if you keep going off like this!”

“We shall. Why don’t we start tomorrow?”

“What is the point? You will be off for work in a week and I will be married elsewhere by the time you are back!”

I heaved and replied with calm, “Please calm down and try to understand my situation.”

“No, you don’t understand…my parents are looking to get me married as soon as possible . If you keep travelling like this, I will have no certainty to fight with them!”

“Why ? Do you think I would leave you for anyone else?”

Our waiter came by to fill our water and clear our plates. I think he was indicating that everyone was now listening in on our very private conversation.

I quickly asked for the bill and motioned to her that we shall continue this outside. She didn’t reply but just walked off without even looking back but clearing the tears that were rolling on her cheek.

I went after her as soon as the bill was paid, but she was nowhere to be found. Neither did she have a phone , nor was I allowed to call her home number. I just had to wait and hope that she called before I left.

The wait was in vain but I did receive an e-mail being apologetic about running away like that and for the argument that was started. I believed the words and moved on but didn’t realise the wall was being built!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————–   This is the entry for the fifth day of the  Write Tribe Festival of Words -2 

Write Tribe

The nights at music concerts!


My wife was checking the list and ordering the books that I didn’t have in the library yet. I was staring in to the ticket that I held in my hand. I never realised a ticket that I kept without thinking in a book I received that day would spark memories of the numerous musical concerts Sofia and I went to.

The most amazing part of the musical concert trips was that we both shared absolutely opposite taste in music till we got together. She loved hard rock and I was more in to the classical because of my parents. The first few concerts were a chore for each other and then it sparked..we began appreciating…no enjoying the other!

One night after a classical music concert, we were driving back and Sofia was unusually quiet. I almost thought she was asleep and was caught surprised, “Dear, have you ever thought what our music would be?”

“What do you mean by our music?”

“I mean what would you and I sound like if we were sounds and what tune would come about if our love became a song?”

“Hmm, that’s a bit too philosophical for me, but I think you would be the beats in a song and I would be the notes. One without the other is good but together we sound brilliant. ”

She smiled, kissed me good night and ran to the gate of her house…

But she also began a trail of my own thoughts, what would we sound like? I being classically trained couldn’t wait to sit on piano and compose a tune for us…

Yes, we even had our own song!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Here is my late entry for the fourth day of the  Write Tribe Festival of Words -2 .

Write Tribe

Our shared love for fiction


Books, books and books.. Yesterday, I was arranging my small library and my eyes fell on one particular book. The more I was ignoring that book, it seemed to be staring at me …Anyways, I kept it to the last knowing it was going to open the world of words that I shared with Sofia! The book was given to me by Sofia, it was the last gift that she ever gave me.

I sat down with that book with a tear at the corner of my eye. The tear was more due to the rush of memories that was associated with books and her, well more words and her! My wife entered the library and I showed her the inscription that Sofia had once lovingly written in her beautiful handwriting.

Dearest Love,

I wish nothing but the best happens to our love story but here is one that can be read over and over again! I hope you enjoy the words and the sweet nothings shared in this book like I did! Let’s not forget to create a similar magical world filled with love for ourselves.

Yours and only yours.

My wife read and then said with all the pride of being the life-partner, “She has no clue what she missed and I am glad you are not hers anymore!” She then went to the shelf to take a book to read and left me to my thoughts.

My thoughts were blazing between my past and my present. I kept thinking of my wife’s words and couldn’t help but admire the elegance and beauty with which she accepted me and my past. Then, to Sofia who gifted one of the most romantic books I have ever read and in which she wished we had built one such ! It was so ironical, I began laughing at it while I flipped the pages. While flipping, a couple of things dropped on to my lap.

The first thing I picked up was a ticket. Ticket titled ‘Music Carnival’ with a date stamp on the front. On the back of the ticket, there again was her writing. She always scribbled on every little piece of paper she found – and if it was for me , it was always words of love. I had fallen in love with her but also with her words..I waited for them like a peacock waiting for the rain.

The second thing was a paper folded several times over. I took the piece of paper and unfolded it slowly. I found it hard to believe but there it was – a list of 100 odd books. I called out to my wife and passed the paper to her. My wife strained her eyes in the dim light as the sun had begun to set.

Books we shall own and have in our library

1. Little Women, 2. Wuthering Heights, 3. Pride and Prejudice, 4. Tempest, 5. Gone with the Wind…

and so the list went on. My wife smiled and said, “Darling you have most of them and I shall order the rest online immediately!”

————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

And this my entry for the third day of the  Write Tribe Festival of Words -2 .

Write Tribe
For this blog-post, I have to thank Leo from I Rhyme Without Reason, for making sure that I was doing my part with the story; Pins from Vaayadi Pennu who I brainstormed with for ideas and Bawa from And I write for the list of books that he gave at a moment’s notice.

Foodies that we were


Sofia and I loved food and that took us places. We had tried and tested all the eateries that were at a 20km radius of our college. Our love was known to all, our friends – mutual and otherwise would always consult us for deciding the venue on their special dates or anniversaries. Well, even we had our favourites and they were highly recommended places.

I remember one day, we bunked classes just to enjoy food…what was special about that day? Well it was our second anniversary. In fact we started with breakfast! We lied to our parents that we had extra classes in the morning. Today I share the taste of that day…

Breakfast at a fine cafe at the corner of a market. We sat out and sipped the piping hot complimentary coffees while we waited for our order. They served the best crepes and amazing fillings and toppings. There were nuts for the crunchiness, bananas,  chocolate, strawberry, caramel and maple syrups and mixed fruit jam. And we being regular customers were also given vanilla ice-cream and cream!! Well, that was for people like us who loved it sweet! Oh, that was a sumptuous breakfast with hardly any words, just filling with the assortment and relishing the taste!!

After which, we began slowly warming up to words. We walked around the market. The flowers looked beautiful, I got her a dozen red roses and wished with my dear Sofia that we have many more of such anniversaries! Sofia,  do you remember  the words exchanged that day? They are etched in my memory and sometimes I wish they weren’t!

Lunch was decided to be a little further away from the usual radius, so we needed to time to reach there. We rode to there before the appointed time. It was a quaint Italian joint placed opposite a five-star hotel! The Italian joint did well without doubt as even the richest visited them. This place was not new to us, but we were not regulars simply because of the distance. We were ready for our 3-course meal. We began with bruschetta, continued to a mushroom risotto and penne pasta and ended with our favourite dessert, tiramisu. The thought of the food still reminds me of those tastes !

Then, we were off to the art museum nearby. I was never good at appreciating but Sofia had an eye for them. Sofia took so long at each painting, that by the time she finished the museum once, I was done with it five times over! Well, that’s life.

We then left to another dose of coffee but pastries this time. We were at the most renowned and oldest bakery in the city. We sipped our coffees and tried all the pastries yet again! We enjoyed each one of them and could never choose one as our favourite. Then, we walked around the beach for some time and I left her at the bus stop.

That was a day of food, conversations, laughter, art and pure innocent fun! Sometimes, I wish I could be as innocent and believe every word. But I guess as they say, “Once bitten, twice shy!”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

I love food but describing what characters had for a single day was difficult but an experience. Here’s my entry for the second day to  Write Tribe Festival of Words -2 .

Write Tribe

Sofia – A memory


A memory – that is all that remained of the love that we shared and vowed as forever in those days. Today, as we are married but not to each other, I recall fondly those days and share our story in bits and pieces to the world. You may never forgive me for sharing it like this but I need to. I need to let the world know how much I loved you and wanted you as my life-partner. It is very unfortunate that our families thought otherwise but I would have waited and fought if you had felt the same!

Do you remember the first day we met? I do..I remember being mesmerized by your gorgeousness as you entered the college gates. I remember the white shirt that you had paired with your blue denim. You didn’t see me as you fought with the hair that was blowing on to your face. In short, you looked beautiful and my friends teased me from all around as I stood in a trance just admiring you! I heard nothing and saw nothing until you walked to me, and asked , “Do you know where the principal’s office is?”

I remember pointing you in the direction and  then have memories of following you to find more about you – everything about you! I wanted to know your likes and dislikes and I found out more and more from all the sources possible. Until, I found the courage to ask you your name…How naive you thought as you heard from many that I have asked about you! The truth was I knew your name Sofia..I just wanted to hear it from you!

So over the next few days I shall recall the memories for one last time…just to share it to the world..No this is no revenge or anger but just a love story that should be shared. And a proof of love stories that do not last forever!

_________________________________________________________________________________________

After loads and loads of contemplation whether I should take part in the Write Tribe Festival of Words -2 , here is my entry for the first day … “Sofia – A memory”.

Write Tribe